Who am I?

Who am I? I have asked myself this question all my life.

I am sure all of us have asked this same question.

I have struggled all my life with many different things.

It's hard hiding behind a smile. It's hard holding it altogether.
It's hard living up to what others expect of you. It's hard not feeling like a failure.
Maybe I am not alone............

Who I am? I am  a mother who feels at times that I am failing my children.

Who am I? I am a woman who feels insecure at times that it creates anxiety for me to go out in public with my husband, children and friends.

Who am I? I am a wife who has always sought the approval of a man.

Who am I? I am still a little girl at heart who has been hurt.

Who am I? I am a child of God.



I may fail but God picks me and carries me.

I may feel insecure at times but I am learning to embrace who God has created me to be.

I may have sought my approval through a man but my value comes from GOD and ONLY GOD!

I may still be that little girl at heart with hurts but God has turned those hurts into scars.

You see, we are all in this thing together. We all have faced struggles, disappointments and we all have fears.  I have survived the ultimate betrayal in my last marriage and God restored my life!
I have overcome the obstacles that were supposed to break me down but God carried me through them. Writing this piece has been one of the most difficult things because it shows you who I really am. It shows you my struggles. It shows you my insecurities and failures but this does not define me.
Your mistakes, failures,struggles or fears do not define you.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE VALUABLE!

The next time you are having self doubt, insecurity,fear, disappointment; I want to encourage you that You are not alone. You have a purpose! You are a survivor! YOU are enough! YOU are loved!!!!

Same guy,different name

I want to first clarify that anything that I write about is something that has weighed heavy on my heart.I then pray about it and God always confirms to me that I need to write about that particular issue or concern. With that being said,have you ever been around that "certain" guy who tells you "you're beautiful"and he makes you feel so special? But ....... he also has a way of making you feel bad about the person you are? We've all experienced unhealthy relationships but many of us jump from one guy to the next and it's the "same guy, DIFFERENT name".  What I mean is you may have gotten into a new relationship with someone else but this guy possesses the same qualities as the last guy,therefore you are with the "same" type of guy. We tend to get drawn to what is familiar to us. For many of us,it's all we know. But can I encourage you to self reflect on this? In some of my previous topics I've discussed, I have said that we need to first be honest with ourselves. Don't confuse this with being critical of ourselves. If you're being critical of yourself you walk away feeling defeated and unworthy. When you're honest with yourself and you do some self reflecting, you walk away feeling accomplished and valued AND you've learned a lesson from your situation. So have the courage to sit alone and self reflect. In that time ask God to show you truth and wisdom and guidance. Give your burdens to God. It's too heavy for us to carry anyway.

Ask hard questions such as "What drew me to that type of person?" Usually we tend to attract what we are; meaning wherever you are in your life you tend to attract someone that's similar to you. What happens though is that someone usually "outgrows" the other person. If we are hurting emotionally we usually gravitate towards someone in that same position emotionally.The important thing is that BOTH people in the relationship are changing and growing. If you are the only one growing and healing emotionally then it's going to be difficult to stay connected to that other person who is "emotionally stuck".

YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. The sooner you come to realize how true this is the better off you will be. We can inspire and encourage others but we cannot change anyone but ourselves. I've experienced many,many unhealthy relationships in my life and I have had to ask those tough questions. God showed me so much within myself and I realized I just needed to trust God in who He had picked out for me. This process was difficult because I wanted to immediately go back to what was familiar to me,what was comfortable and that was a very emotionally unhealthy and unstable person. God showed me different. When I did reconnect with Aaron,my husband now we both had many emotional wounds to work through. But we BOTH had the desire to make changes and we depended on God for that. Many months of counseling with our Pastor took place and the wounds became scars. The tears of sadness became tears of joy but those tears of joy happened because of our relationship with God.We both began working towards our spiritual relationship and healing was taking place.

Sometimes we don't find that "right" person right away. Focus on God and becoming the "right" one for that future companion. God wants to be the center of your life.I can promise you that if you make HIM the center of your life and you begin to live for Him by remaining in obedience to His truth ( the bible) you will experience the greatest love which is Gods love. He has so many blessings waiting to be released upon your life but so many times we want to do things our own way and not His. We end up delaying His blessings.

I want to encourage you right now that if you're reading this and you find yourself feeling unworthy, unloved,not good enough and facing struggles; that God LOVES YOU just as you are. Of course He wants you to heal,grow and blossom but He still loves YOU EXACTLY AS YOU ARE. Realize right in this moment that YOU ARE ENOUGH! So many times we depend on a "man" to make us feel valued and beautiful.That expectation from an IMPERFECT human being is just not realistic. Instead look to God who is PERFECT and gives value to who you are.

Psalm 139:13-16New International Version (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Uncovering the mess!

Uncovering the mess! What do I mean by this? I'm not talking about the mess in our house, the mess at our work desk or maybe the mess in our car. I'm referring to the "emotional mess" in our lives. We have all "made" a mess of our life in some way or another. The important thing to remember is that it can always be cleaned up. But how? How do we get past our past? How do move forward in a healthier direction? The key to moving forward and cleaning up our mess is by digging deep to the root of the issue and relying on God for His help. Many people have a misconception of WHO GOD IS. God is not a God of rejection. We can go to Him at anytime in the midst of our mess and He will accept us. We do not have to be "clean" to go to God but instead we go to God to "get cleaned." He is the one who we can "come clean with" in our shortcomings and He cleans us up and heals us when we rely on Him too. This is why God is God. He loves us unconditionally no matter how messed up we are. We are made clean and renewed through Him. I have made many mistakes in my lifetime and I still will throughout my life. Sometimes we create our own mess by our choices and other times somebody else's choices may have made a mess in our lives but you do have a choice on how you want to respond to circumstances that happen to you. I believe its not what happens to you in life but how YOU choose to respond to it. You can respond with a negative attitude and self pity which will keep you emotionally stuck or you can respond with a positive attitude full of faith. I can promise you that there is not one person out there who has responded positive every single time. Each of us has at some point in our life reacted in an unhealthy way to a circumstance because we are imperfect and we are all still learning and growing. But the more you react negatively the longer you will remain emotionally stuck in your growth in that particular area. Years will go by and the emotional mess just keeps getting bigger. You may know someone who struggles with addiction, resentment or anger, mistrust, lying etc. All these things are "symptoms" to a deeper rooted issue. That issue usually has taken root long ago and has now become a mess for them which then turns into a way of life for them. In order to uncover their mess they must acknowledge where it took root. Usually the person will be emotionally stuck in that area of their life because they have not gotten to the root of the issue. Once they can get to the root of it they can pull from the root up. This is where God begins to heal. God can renew and restore your life in a whole new way. Some of us have big messes and some of us have small messes. Let me clarify that a mess and a struggle are different things. A mess is something that has taken root and continues and has an affect on your life in one or more ways. A struggle is something that is on the surface that you currently are facing and has not made its way deeply rooted. But if you do not face the struggle and work through it then it CAN take root and turn into a mess later on. I've uncovered many messes in my life by first being honest with myself. Then going to God about it and asking for direction, sometimes receiving conviction and seeking His healing for me. Let me share a current struggle that I have been facing for some time now. If I decided not to approach God about this struggle and ignore it i can guess that it would have gotten to be a deep rooted issue by now but because I recognized my struggle and immediately went to God about it, I've been in the process of working through it with God by my side. As a mother of four I'm sure many of you can relate to the stresses and frustrations you may have with one or all of your children at some point in your journey. I have struggled with maintaining a deep connection with two of my boys. It started with my oldest about seven years ago when He was around the age of six. I had no self control when he would get into trouble. I would yell, scream and spank out of anger. I began having a lot of guilt as a mother and started to disconnect with my son. Every time I reacted this way I would go in my room and cry. I would be so mad at myself but I kept on disconnecting myself from my son. My youngest sister came to visit me and I will never forget this moment. She spoke the truth but with love to me about my struggle. I didn't even have to tell her what my struggle was. She recognized it right away and she asked me to hug my son. Now for most mothers that is such an easy thing to do. It's so natural to show affection to your children. I can honestly admit that it was the hardest thing for me to do. I felt such guilt and shame for the mother that i was becoming. I didn't realize right away why I was reacting this way towards my son but I discovered later on that the many stresses in my marriage at the time was why I was "on edge" about everything to the point where I was taking my stress out on my son. That day that my sister took the time out to talk with me openly and honestly about my disconnection with my son and my struggle to even show him affection was the turning point for me. When I realized that my sister recognized it right away I knew this was more serious than I thought. I sat there and cried as I held my son in my arms. My sister encouraging me to comfort him like a mother should and telling me to repeat " I love you buddy" over and over. Her bravery to speak the truth to me was exactly what I needed. I began praying over and over daily to God for His help and guidance. You see, if I didn't approach my struggle head on and allowed it to go undiscovered or hidden and tucked away I can guarantee you it would have just continued to grow in a negative way. Can you imagine seven years later, now today how that struggle would have taken root and grew? Can you imagine the relationship I would have today with my oldest son? Instead my son and I have a healthy relationship and open communication. He is such a servant at heart. My ability as  his mother is always needing improvement but with God all things are possible. I am so thankful to have such honest, caring, loving people in my life who can take the time to be honest with me about one of the hardest struggles in my life. I could have gotten offended and defended myself with many reasons about my struggle. But being honest with yourself is where it begins. My sister had the courage to speak up with me about this and I could have easily shut her out. It's what easiest, right? Maybe it seems easy at the time to shut them out and not face your struggle but later on down the road it will only get harder because that struggle will begin to take root and that root creates a mess. We all have struggles. We all have had messes or you may have a mess right now. Be honest with yourself. Ask God for His guidance and don't allow the enemy to give you condemnation. Instead allow God to give you conviction if that's what it is. Remember you don't have to "get cleaned" first to go to God. You have to go to God first to "get cleaned".

James 4:8  Come close to God, and He will come close to you.Clean up your lives, you sinners, and clear your minds, you doubters.

well behaved children don't just happen

Here I am with yet another concern on my heart. It seems to me that each generation is lacking more and more respect towards their own parents, peers and just people in general. Why are parents struggling with teaching their children respect? Why are parents lacking discipline? Are parents just getting lazier or are they concerned more with trying to be "liked" by their child(ren)? These are some of the questions that have crossed my mind and more often just recently. Maybe I am just noticing more the society we live in and whats going on around me. I tend to get caught up in my own world at times. But lets take a look at what Gods word says about raising children.


Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from 


Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.


2 Timothy 3:16  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,


God gives us instruction to discipline. If we withhold discipline from our children we are doing more harm to them than good. It is our God given responsibility as parents to teach,instruct and correct and our children. There are some things that just cannot be tolerated and one of those things is disrespect. A child will test his limits until the parent consistently keeps putting a stop to it.Nothing can produce healthy results without consistency. I am not going to sit here and say that I have done everything right as a mother. I have experienced being the single mother that many of you face and a wife and mother as I am right now. I figured out early on that following through was key and that I didn't make a threat if I knew I couldn't follow through with it. I've messed up plenty and I've paid for it in return because every time I allowed my children more warnings, extra chances and lacked in discipline my children behaved worse. Fortunately I am one who self evaluates often and I had to ask myself why My children were acting worse. I am also fortunate enough to have such a Godly leader in our home,my husband who had brought this concern to my attention as well. I sat my boys down and told them no more warnings or second chances. My older boys know what respect is.They know what they "should " be doing and I wasn't going tolerate their behavior anymore. If I was talked back to,argued with or they complained that they were asked to do something there was immediate discipline. I want to say that in my situation my boys never got really out of control.I've always been known as a strict parent but when I went through my divorce I grew tired and that tiredness had me lacking in more areas as a parent. Children are to be raised to be respectful and be well equipped for adulthood. If a child receives everything he wants what do you think that child is learning? The child then thinks they get anything they desire and ask for.In the" real world" it impossible for them to "get their way" all the time. They will be having many disappointments in life because as I've said to my own children"the world does not revolve around you and if you think it does you will face many disappointments."


I want to make it known that affection,praise and unlimited hugs go a long way in our home and is just as important as correction and discipline.
We are also to teach our children to be team players.The best way I do this is in our home is with each other. Helping each other out and contributing into doing daily chores.  For me personally I choose not to give my boys an allowance. I've explained to them they have their own responsibilities and then chores. A personal responsibility would be to make YOUR bed, put YOUR clothes away, clean YOUR room,you get the idea. Chores are jobs that concern everyone in the house such as gather all the trash,vacuum, unload the dishwasher,etc. Now if my boys want to earn money because I am a big believer in working hard for what you want then I assign them EXTRA jobs.


Not everyone is going to agree with me in how I handle the daily responsibilities and chores and that's ok.This may give some of you ideas to try.  One of the most important things I have learned as a parent is to take everything back to the bible. If my boys are not honoring me like it states in the ten commandments I have them read to me out of the bible what God says about how to treat your parents. If my boys are struggling with loving others I direct them to the bible to read about what God says about loving difficult people. I do not always do this perfectly each time but I do my best to always direct them back to God and ask them what they think God would say about the situation. My boys may not agree with me as they get older on why I did things a certain way but if I take instruction from the bible and teach that to my boys Those lessons will stand firm because it's not always what "mom says" but instead what God says. His truth is what we can stand on!


We all want the best for our children but giving them everything they want,catering to their needs and not correcting them is only paralyzing them . I want my boys to be well equipped when they reach adulthood. Being well equipped to me means relying on God and putting him FIRST in your life no matter what, respectful towards everyone, responsible, well mannered,grateful for their blessings, have a sense of working and acheiving the things you want, comapssion for others, serving others, patience, understanding,not being "of the world", and loving all people.


Every behavior is learned just like every habit is. most habits your children struggle is most likely something you have created. Children are healthier emotionally when their parents are. Needy children are usually the result of needy parents. I think so may parents fear too much for their children and then end up placing those fears on the child. You may be thinking I am way too strict and thats ok but I can honestly say that when I take my boys to public places Its rare that they misbehave. Yes every child has their bad days but my boys know what I expect from them. I often had random people compliment me on how well behaved my children are. I smile and say "thank you.It took a lot of work and still does.haha", but inside I begin wondering "is this such a rare thing to see in todays society?" And that is why I began writing this. I prayed about as well so I could get Gods approval first. In recent weeks I have done another self evaluation as a mother and I must be honest that I struggle with just enjoying the moments with them. It's something I know I need to be better about. I think too much about what needs to be done around the house and then doing it or about my profession as a stylist or about what I can say on facebook to inspire someone. This can all be great things but anything that is not done in moderation begins to create imbalance in my life and I believe balance is key.


All I know is that creating consistency produces results and so is putting forth the effort. Nothing comes easy when we want to see great results. I compare it to working out. You don't work out for a day or a week and see the proper results.its takes consistency. It takes obtaining the right knowledge and if you stop being consistent you don't see the same results.It's just how I shared with you earlier that when I began lacking in certain areas as a parent my boys began misbehaving more. 
So you see it's ALWAYS going to be work because well behaved children don't just happen;)




I hope this post did not offend anyone because those are never my intentions but instead to encourage you,to know you are not alone in this journey and to inspire you to self evaluate because we all have something we can learn to do better. May God always receive the glory in our lives because He lives inside us!!!


blessings,
Allison




other scripture references for raising our children

Psalm 127:3-5

Ephesians 6:4

Deuteronomy 6:7

check out this link  http://www.gospelway.com/family/raising_children.php  and read about 

The Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children

Key #1: Purpose
Key #2: Planning
Key #3: Love
Key #4: Instruction
Key #5: Authority
Key #6: Motivation
Key #7: Consistency

We all wear a mask but It's time to take the mask off

We all wear a mask.Some of us have several masks. We wear a mask to cover up and hide from what we don't want others to see.The word mask is described as: an object normally worn on the face, typically for protection, disguise, performance or entertainment.

Emotional Mask

However, the mask that I am talking about here is an emotional mask. This can effect: how one sees themselves in the mirror; how one believes other people see them and how one feels about themselves and their capabilities.

And this mask might have very little to do with who one actually is. This is a mask that has typically been formed through the interactions and experiences one has with other people. And based on these two aspects one then comes to the conclusion of who they are. Some may wear the mask of arrogance in order to hide their insecurity. Some may wear a mask of amusement to hide their boredom. Another mask is the mask of smiles to hide sadness or the laughter to hide pain. 


So which mask are you wearing? How many different masks do you wear? Do you wear a certain mask around a particular person or environment? We all emotional masks. Think about some of your answers to the questions I just asked. Be honest with yourself.Why do you wear the mask you are wearing?


I'm going to start by being "real" with you and share with you some of my masks. Probably the mask I have used the most is the mask of perfection. Especially in my previous marriage. I remember on a daily basis having to act as if I had the perfect relationship. I tried to convince myself that it was and I was good at convincing everyone else but deep down I knew that it was not.NO relationship is perfect but I sure acted as if mine was. By nature I always try to see the bright side of things and look for my blessings so yes I was truly feeling grateful and blessed during that time but what I was hiding was that my husband was the best man I ever knew and did no wrong. Now I'm not the type of person to share my problems with facebook and the rest of the world but I wasn't really even sharing my problems with my close family and friends. I remember sharing a little with my younger sister but I still pretended and acted as if My husband  was just flawless in so many ways. We all have flaws. I have many. But there's a big difference between flaws and dealbreakers. Flaws can be dealt with.They can be small imperfections or annoyances we see in another and easily dealt with.Dealbreakers are a different story.A dealbreaker is something that is absolutely unacceptable in your "value system". Well, over time the truth came out,my marriage ended and even though many people heard my story and figured out that my marriage was the exact opposite of everything I claimed it to be I found myself feeling more free than ever that I was not living in that denial anymore. People were shocked and I believe it was because the mask that I wore in that marriage. I finally had to remove my mask. Unfortunately my ex husband still wears many of his masks and I'm at a point in my life where I can pray for him and truly have compassion for him as a person that he really needs healing. I hope he gets that. We all need emotional healing. I believe that because of our emotional wounds and fears is what causes us to put on our mask. 


So now I ask myself which mask am I wearing now? Well sometimes I find myself putting on that perfection mask again and I remove it and go to my Creator in heaven and confess my anxieties, my doubts and confusion. It is a daily process to self evaluate and reflect on why we do things and how we can better ourselves.  But recognizing our value in Christ is key. My hardest storm had me questioning my self value in so many ways. Sometimes I wonder if I am being the kind of wife, woman and mother God wants me to be. I don't have all the answers but I can tell you who does. Our God has all the answers. I lived my life wearing a mask, doing things MY way and not Gods way. Well that grew me very tired and I finally surrendered it all to God. When I was willing to ONLY accept Gods plan for my life and live according to His word is when God began moving and orchestrating every detail in his time frame. Many of you don't know my old story  or my new story but I am now married to a man who loves the Lord as much as I do. God reunited us 9 years later after we first met (old friends) and while both of us were going through a similar pain we both began to heal when we looked to God first and put our faith in Him. Over time God spoke to each of us separately telling us we would marry each other. God was so detailed that I even knew when I would be married. Aaron did not know God had spoke this to me and I did not know God spoke to him the same message within a day apart. The rest is history.


I am not going to put on the perfection mask again and say our marriage is perfect, that my life is perfect and that I know it all. Yes I truly am blessed and my husband loves the Lord first in his life like I do. But we are still learning and growing in our marriage and still figuring the challenges out that life can throw at us. There is only one thing that I know for sure. My life being God focused first is the only way I want to live. Sure I sometimes don't feel like reading my bible and I forget.I'm human. But I am aware that everyday I need to keep putting God first and keep on trusting Him in everything. God sees us behind our masks. You cannot hide anything from Him. So if you have been reading my post here and find yourself answering the question of what mask do you wear and why then I would encourage you to take it off and just have that conversation with God about your struggles. You don't have to hide from Him because no matter what you have done or who you've become you have a Savior who loves you that much and all you have to do is confess to Him and ask Him into your heart. Ask Him into your life. Seek His way. Seek His word. Seek the plan He has for you. He loves you just as you are right now in this moment. He can never love you any less. But He has better for your life. He has abundant blessings and you receive more of His blessings when you live in obedience  to His word.

Romans 5:8 ESV / 23 helpful votes

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 10:9 ESV / 12 helpful votes

Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

John 14:6 ESV / 7 helpful votes

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

1 John 1:9 ESV / 6 helpful votes

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

what you speak about becomes who you're all about!

If you really want to get to know someone listen closely to what they talk about.Especially over time. We all have things we need to work through. We all face some kind of struggle in our lives. But when a person begins to get consumed with a certain type of emotion or circumstance is when it becomes toxic.That toxicity can then spread and affect many other things in your life. Everything begins in our thoughts. What we think soon becomes what we speak.What we speak soon becomes what we act upon and so forth. So if you're consumed in something or some kind of negative emotion,if you're thinking negative thoughts then eventually this will become your life and who you are. This is why its so important to read,study and believe in Gods word.His word is TRUTH! If we study His word and its in our thoughts then those thoughts produce how we act. Any circumstance that arises we can overcome because of what the word of God says. We stand on His word. We believe it to be our truth that will lead us throughout our life. He fights the battle with us by His side. 

We all have seen people throughout our lives continue doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. But we all know it just doesn't work that way. " If you do what you always do, you'll get what you always got". You can't expect to plant the same seeds and reap a different harvest. You've got to plant different seeds to reap a different harvest. Is the soil you are planting your seeds in healthy soil? In order to plant different seeds you've got to think differently. If you are stuck in a place that you just can't seem to climb out of I would encourage you to go to God first. He should always be your "go to guy". Get in His word and meditate on it. God never leaves you.Its us that leave Him. His word is always available and through prayer we can talk to Him,confess our sins and ask Him to forgive us and change us. I can't tell you how many times I ask God to bring things to the surface in me that I may be unaware of and God always does it. He wants to " refine us like a piece of silver". When we ask God into our hearts He cleanses us. The "old" is gone and we are "made new in Christ". This is why Jesus died on the cross. How awesome is it that all we have to do is confess and ask God to be our Savior and come into our heart. He knows if we mean it. He knows our every thought, our every struggle, our every desire, our every heartache, our every flaw and He still loves us anyway. No human can ever give you this. That's why it is so important to put God first in your life because He makes us whole.He created it to be this way. If someone looked at you and said " I expect you to fulfill my every need and make me happy all the time" do you think you could do that? Of course not. Its because you were not designed to do that. Yes we can "help" fulfill our spouses needs to a certain degree. Marriage was created to glorify God and its a sacred gift but to expect another imperfect person to fulfill completely and make you whole is unrealistic. Once you understand who you are in Christ and you get into Gods words it will change your thoughts. Those thoughts will then become your actions which would be Christlike actions. Then you are able to bring others to Christ through the love and the Christ that is inside you.

Be careful what you speak about consistently. Lots of people conversate and share whats going on in their life but if you are constantly talking about you, your kids, your life, your job and never even mentioning anything about God then what kind of message are you sending? People talk about what they're passionate about. Listen carefully but keep in mind that its more about what they speak of consistently.Do a self evaluation. Next time you are talking to someone and you find yourself talking about you, turn the conversation into being about something other than you or concerning you. Creating new patterns can be difficult but consistency pays off. You can't get to know someone else if you are always talking about you. I had to work on this myself and I still struggle at times. We all like to talk about ourselves or our kids or our jobs or whatever we are passionate about but if you are a true follower of Christ then your passion for Him should be first.

Philippians 4:4-9

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Matthew 15:11

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹¹  it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

Malachi 3

English Standard Version (ESV)

² But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner's fire and like fullers' soap. ³ He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.^[a] 4 Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the Lord as in the days of old and as in former years.

Proverbs 12:5

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁵ The thoughts of the righteous are just;
    the counsels of the wicked are deceitful

Psalms 34:13

Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.

If you want to live you must forgive

Something all of us can relate to is pain. Unfortunately sometimes the pain we have felt has been caused by people. Sometimes those people become our enemies. What does God say about our enemies in the bible?


Matthew 6:14-15  For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, ¹⁵  but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


 Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.


Mark 11:25   And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.


Luke 6:27  But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,


Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife,
    but love covers all offenses.

I could add so many more scripture here because God continues to talk about one thing over and over in His word. That is LOVE. That means loving all people,even our enemies. How challenging is it for us to love those that have sinned against us? Its easy to love those that love us back. The challenge here is loving those that make it difficult. If we are commanded to love our enemies then we must learn that forgiveness comes with that. God forgives us over and over. How can we not forgive others when Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for all that we do wrong? Now that's powerful. He loved us so much that He sacrificed it all. Love is self sacrifice. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 16:14   Let all that you do be done in love.

Love is enough because God is Love. Try reading a scripture and replacing the word "love" with "God". It makes perfect sense. We are able to Love the way God commands us when we Love God FIRST in our lives. If we love God first everything else will fall into place. Our flesh is unable to forgive, to sacrifice, to love, to be selfless. But its when Christ is inside our spirit that we then are able to love selflessly and to forgive others. Did you know that when you forgive someone it actually is freeing for you? When you let go and forgive you are not saying you  agree with what the offender did. When you forgive you are really saying " I'm letting this go so I am able to move forward without the hurt,resentment or anger. It can no longer can live inside my heart.It is what it is and I forgive you." Once you completely "let it go" you set yourself free. The offender cannot steal your joy because you have chosen to not allow any negative emotion build itself up inside you. Grief is a part of the process when someone hurts you. Grief is part of the process through any loss. But realize that when the emotions of grief begin to CONSUME you is where it takes root inside your spirit. If you are holding onto something Give it to God. Confess with your mouth from your heart how you feel.Surrender the pain to Him. He is our healer. When you surrender to God what you are saying is " I trust you God". Trust which is also Faith in God gets God moving.

 God uses my story instead of my story using me. Many of you may know that I dealt with the biggest storm in my life a few years ago. I prayed for years for my marriage. But what I was missing was a lack of faith in God. I was trying to control everything. I knew a storm was coming and I surrendered everything to God. I remember that moment so clearly. It was a weight lifted from me that had been weighing me down for years. I waited on God to reveal truth and trusted Him in that. That very same day truth was revealed and my entire world changed. I had faced a fear that many people have which was infidelity. My biggest fear became my reality. I still had hope for my marriage.But after a month, some counseling and lots of prayer God once again revealed more truth to me. God is in the business to restore broken marriages and broken lives. He gives restoration. But both people need to be receptive to that. God knew deep down that I couldn't live in this marriage. God gave me the peace to make the hardest decision in my life. I have never doubted that decision. Through my storm my faith in God grew more than anything and I devoted my life to Him. Since then He has restored my life, my boys lives and blessed us with a Godly man and spiritual leader in our home. The reason I share part of my story is because I had to learn forgiveness. It was easier for me to forgive my ex rather than " the other woman". She is still in my boys life and I have had to accept it. IT IS WHAT IT IS. It has been a challenge trying to have forgiveness for this person. Awhile back I thought I had forgiven her but I kept feeling something inside my spirit that was saying different. Once I realized this I began to Give it to God. Everyday I  wake up and give it to God. Pray and ask God to bring anything in your spirit to the surface. Sometimes we don't always recognize that we have things that have taken root deep down. We need to ask God to pluck out the bad things that contaminate our spirits. One of the biggest contaminations to us is unforgiveness. When you hold onto unforgiveness you are unable to give more of yourself to those who you are invested in.  Take this moment to reflect within and ask God to bring anything to the surface that you may be holding onto. Ask God for forgiveness for yourself and the sins you have done. Forgive your offender. Give it to God. Invest your time in learning about  Gods love and what He commands us to do and  remember that if you want to live you must forgive!!!!!

Deutoronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.