Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from
Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,
God gives us instruction to discipline. If we withhold discipline from our children we are doing more harm to them than good. It is our God given responsibility as parents to teach,instruct and correct and our children. There are some things that just cannot be tolerated and one of those things is disrespect. A child will test his limits until the parent consistently keeps putting a stop to it.Nothing can produce healthy results without consistency. I am not going to sit here and say that I have done everything right as a mother. I have experienced being the single mother that many of you face and a wife and mother as I am right now. I figured out early on that following through was key and that I didn't make a threat if I knew I couldn't follow through with it. I've messed up plenty and I've paid for it in return because every time I allowed my children more warnings, extra chances and lacked in discipline my children behaved worse. Fortunately I am one who self evaluates often and I had to ask myself why My children were acting worse. I am also fortunate enough to have such a Godly leader in our home,my husband who had brought this concern to my attention as well. I sat my boys down and told them no more warnings or second chances. My older boys know what respect is.They know what they "should " be doing and I wasn't going tolerate their behavior anymore. If I was talked back to,argued with or they complained that they were asked to do something there was immediate discipline. I want to say that in my situation my boys never got really out of control.I've always been known as a strict parent but when I went through my divorce I grew tired and that tiredness had me lacking in more areas as a parent. Children are to be raised to be respectful and be well equipped for adulthood. If a child receives everything he wants what do you think that child is learning? The child then thinks they get anything they desire and ask for.In the" real world" it impossible for them to "get their way" all the time. They will be having many disappointments in life because as I've said to my own children"the world does not revolve around you and if you think it does you will face many disappointments."
I want to make it known that affection,praise and unlimited hugs go a long way in our home and is just as important as correction and discipline.
We are also to teach our children to be team players.The best way I do this is in our home is with each other. Helping each other out and contributing into doing daily chores. For me personally I choose not to give my boys an allowance. I've explained to them they have their own responsibilities and then chores. A personal responsibility would be to make YOUR bed, put YOUR clothes away, clean YOUR room,you get the idea. Chores are jobs that concern everyone in the house such as gather all the trash,vacuum, unload the dishwasher,etc. Now if my boys want to earn money because I am a big believer in working hard for what you want then I assign them EXTRA jobs.
Not everyone is going to agree with me in how I handle the daily responsibilities and chores and that's ok.This may give some of you ideas to try. One of the most important things I have learned as a parent is to take everything back to the bible. If my boys are not honoring me like it states in the ten commandments I have them read to me out of the bible what God says about how to treat your parents. If my boys are struggling with loving others I direct them to the bible to read about what God says about loving difficult people. I do not always do this perfectly each time but I do my best to always direct them back to God and ask them what they think God would say about the situation. My boys may not agree with me as they get older on why I did things a certain way but if I take instruction from the bible and teach that to my boys Those lessons will stand firm because it's not always what "mom says" but instead what God says. His truth is what we can stand on!
We all want the best for our children but giving them everything they want,catering to their needs and not correcting them is only paralyzing them . I want my boys to be well equipped when they reach adulthood. Being well equipped to me means relying on God and putting him FIRST in your life no matter what, respectful towards everyone, responsible, well mannered,grateful for their blessings, have a sense of working and acheiving the things you want, comapssion for others, serving others, patience, understanding,not being "of the world", and loving all people.
Every behavior is learned just like every habit is. most habits your children struggle is most likely something you have created. Children are healthier emotionally when their parents are. Needy children are usually the result of needy parents. I think so may parents fear too much for their children and then end up placing those fears on the child. You may be thinking I am way too strict and thats ok but I can honestly say that when I take my boys to public places Its rare that they misbehave. Yes every child has their bad days but my boys know what I expect from them. I often had random people compliment me on how well behaved my children are. I smile and say "thank you.It took a lot of work and still does.haha", but inside I begin wondering "is this such a rare thing to see in todays society?" And that is why I began writing this. I prayed about as well so I could get Gods approval first. In recent weeks I have done another self evaluation as a mother and I must be honest that I struggle with just enjoying the moments with them. It's something I know I need to be better about. I think too much about what needs to be done around the house and then doing it or about my profession as a stylist or about what I can say on facebook to inspire someone. This can all be great things but anything that is not done in moderation begins to create imbalance in my life and I believe balance is key.
All I know is that creating consistency produces results and so is putting forth the effort. Nothing comes easy when we want to see great results. I compare it to working out. You don't work out for a day or a week and see the proper results.its takes consistency. It takes obtaining the right knowledge and if you stop being consistent you don't see the same results.It's just how I shared with you earlier that when I began lacking in certain areas as a parent my boys began misbehaving more.
So you see it's ALWAYS going to be work because well behaved children don't just happen;)
I hope this post did not offend anyone because those are never my intentions but instead to encourage you,to know you are not alone in this journey and to inspire you to self evaluate because we all have something we can learn to do better. May God always receive the glory in our lives because He lives inside us!!!
blessings,
Allison
other scripture references for raising our children
Psalm 127:3-5
Ephesians 6:4
Deuteronomy 6:7
check out this link http://www.gospelway.com/family/raising_children.php and read about
The Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children
Key #1: Purpose
Key #2: Planning
Key #3: Love
Key #4: Instruction
Key #5: Authority
Key #6: Motivation
Key #7: Consistency
Key #2: Planning
Key #3: Love
Key #4: Instruction
Key #5: Authority
Key #6: Motivation
Key #7: Consistency
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