Sunday, July 29, 2012

well behaved children don't just happen

Here I am with yet another concern on my heart. It seems to me that each generation is lacking more and more respect towards their own parents, peers and just people in general. Why are parents struggling with teaching their children respect? Why are parents lacking discipline? Are parents just getting lazier or are they concerned more with trying to be "liked" by their child(ren)? These are some of the questions that have crossed my mind and more often just recently. Maybe I am just noticing more the society we live in and whats going on around me. I tend to get caught up in my own world at times. But lets take a look at what Gods word says about raising children.


Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from 


Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.


2 Timothy 3:16  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,


God gives us instruction to discipline. If we withhold discipline from our children we are doing more harm to them than good. It is our God given responsibility as parents to teach,instruct and correct and our children. There are some things that just cannot be tolerated and one of those things is disrespect. A child will test his limits until the parent consistently keeps putting a stop to it.Nothing can produce healthy results without consistency. I am not going to sit here and say that I have done everything right as a mother. I have experienced being the single mother that many of you face and a wife and mother as I am right now. I figured out early on that following through was key and that I didn't make a threat if I knew I couldn't follow through with it. I've messed up plenty and I've paid for it in return because every time I allowed my children more warnings, extra chances and lacked in discipline my children behaved worse. Fortunately I am one who self evaluates often and I had to ask myself why My children were acting worse. I am also fortunate enough to have such a Godly leader in our home,my husband who had brought this concern to my attention as well. I sat my boys down and told them no more warnings or second chances. My older boys know what respect is.They know what they "should " be doing and I wasn't going tolerate their behavior anymore. If I was talked back to,argued with or they complained that they were asked to do something there was immediate discipline. I want to say that in my situation my boys never got really out of control.I've always been known as a strict parent but when I went through my divorce I grew tired and that tiredness had me lacking in more areas as a parent. Children are to be raised to be respectful and be well equipped for adulthood. If a child receives everything he wants what do you think that child is learning? The child then thinks they get anything they desire and ask for.In the" real world" it impossible for them to "get their way" all the time. They will be having many disappointments in life because as I've said to my own children"the world does not revolve around you and if you think it does you will face many disappointments."


I want to make it known that affection,praise and unlimited hugs go a long way in our home and is just as important as correction and discipline.
We are also to teach our children to be team players.The best way I do this is in our home is with each other. Helping each other out and contributing into doing daily chores.  For me personally I choose not to give my boys an allowance. I've explained to them they have their own responsibilities and then chores. A personal responsibility would be to make YOUR bed, put YOUR clothes away, clean YOUR room,you get the idea. Chores are jobs that concern everyone in the house such as gather all the trash,vacuum, unload the dishwasher,etc. Now if my boys want to earn money because I am a big believer in working hard for what you want then I assign them EXTRA jobs.


Not everyone is going to agree with me in how I handle the daily responsibilities and chores and that's ok.This may give some of you ideas to try.  One of the most important things I have learned as a parent is to take everything back to the bible. If my boys are not honoring me like it states in the ten commandments I have them read to me out of the bible what God says about how to treat your parents. If my boys are struggling with loving others I direct them to the bible to read about what God says about loving difficult people. I do not always do this perfectly each time but I do my best to always direct them back to God and ask them what they think God would say about the situation. My boys may not agree with me as they get older on why I did things a certain way but if I take instruction from the bible and teach that to my boys Those lessons will stand firm because it's not always what "mom says" but instead what God says. His truth is what we can stand on!


We all want the best for our children but giving them everything they want,catering to their needs and not correcting them is only paralyzing them . I want my boys to be well equipped when they reach adulthood. Being well equipped to me means relying on God and putting him FIRST in your life no matter what, respectful towards everyone, responsible, well mannered,grateful for their blessings, have a sense of working and acheiving the things you want, comapssion for others, serving others, patience, understanding,not being "of the world", and loving all people.


Every behavior is learned just like every habit is. most habits your children struggle is most likely something you have created. Children are healthier emotionally when their parents are. Needy children are usually the result of needy parents. I think so may parents fear too much for their children and then end up placing those fears on the child. You may be thinking I am way too strict and thats ok but I can honestly say that when I take my boys to public places Its rare that they misbehave. Yes every child has their bad days but my boys know what I expect from them. I often had random people compliment me on how well behaved my children are. I smile and say "thank you.It took a lot of work and still does.haha", but inside I begin wondering "is this such a rare thing to see in todays society?" And that is why I began writing this. I prayed about as well so I could get Gods approval first. In recent weeks I have done another self evaluation as a mother and I must be honest that I struggle with just enjoying the moments with them. It's something I know I need to be better about. I think too much about what needs to be done around the house and then doing it or about my profession as a stylist or about what I can say on facebook to inspire someone. This can all be great things but anything that is not done in moderation begins to create imbalance in my life and I believe balance is key.


All I know is that creating consistency produces results and so is putting forth the effort. Nothing comes easy when we want to see great results. I compare it to working out. You don't work out for a day or a week and see the proper results.its takes consistency. It takes obtaining the right knowledge and if you stop being consistent you don't see the same results.It's just how I shared with you earlier that when I began lacking in certain areas as a parent my boys began misbehaving more. 
So you see it's ALWAYS going to be work because well behaved children don't just happen;)




I hope this post did not offend anyone because those are never my intentions but instead to encourage you,to know you are not alone in this journey and to inspire you to self evaluate because we all have something we can learn to do better. May God always receive the glory in our lives because He lives inside us!!!


blessings,
Allison




other scripture references for raising our children



Psalm 127:3-5


Ephesians 6:4


Deuteronomy 6:7


check out this link  http://www.gospelway.com/family/raising_children.php  and read about 

The Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children





Monday, June 11, 2012

We all wear a mask but It's time to take the mask off

We all wear a mask.Some of us have several masks. We wear a mask to cover up and hide from what we don't want others to see.The word mask is described as: an object normally worn on the face, typically for protection, disguise, performance or entertainment.
Emotional Mask
However, the mask that I am talking about here is an emotional mask. This can effect: how one sees themselves in the mirror; how one believes other people see them and how one feels about themselves and their capabilities.
And this mask might have very little to do with who one actually is. This is a mask that has typically been formed through the interactions and experiences one has with other people. And based on these two aspects one then comes to the conclusion of who they are. Some may wear the mask of arrogance in order to hide their insecurity. Some may wear a mask of amusement to hide their boredom. Another mask is the mask of smiles to hide sadness or the laughter to hide pain. 


So which mask are you wearing? How many different masks do you wear? Do you wear a certain mask around a particular person or environment? We all emotional masks. Think about some of your answers to the questions I just asked. Be honest with yourself.Why do you wear the mask you are wearing?


I'm going to start by being "real" with you and share with you some of my masks. Probably the mask I have used the most is the mask of perfection. Especially in my previous marriage. I remember on a daily basis having to act as if I had the perfect relationship. I tried to convince myself that it was and I was good at convincing everyone else but deep down I knew that it was not.NO relationship is perfect but I sure acted as if mine was. By nature I always try to see the bright side of things and look for my blessings so yes I was truly feeling grateful and blessed during that time but what I was hiding was that my husband was the best man I ever knew and did no wrong. Now I'm not the type of person to share my problems with facebook and the rest of the world but I wasn't really even sharing my problems with my close family and friends. I remember sharing a little with my younger sister but I still pretended and acted as if My husband  was just flawless in so many ways. We all have flaws. I have many. But there's a big difference between flaws and dealbreakers. Flaws can be dealt with.They can be small imperfections or annoyances we see in another and easily dealt with.Dealbreakers are a different story.A dealbreaker is something that is absolutely unacceptable in your "value system". Well, over time the truth came out,my marriage ended and even though many people heard my story and figured out that my marriage was the exact opposite of everything I claimed it to be I found myself feeling more free than ever that I was not living in that denial anymore. People were shocked and I believe it was because the mask that I wore in that marriage. I finally had to remove my mask. Unfortunately my ex husband still wears many of his masks and I'm at a point in my life where I can pray for him and truly have compassion for him as a person that he really needs healing. I hope he gets that. We all need emotional healing. I believe that because of our emotional wounds and fears is what causes us to put on our mask. 


So now I ask myself which mask am I wearing now? Well sometimes I find myself putting on that perfection mask again and I remove it and go to my Creator in heaven and confess my anxieties, my doubts and confusion. It is a daily process to self evaluate and reflect on why we do things and how we can better ourselves.  But recognizing our value in Christ is key. My hardest storm had me questioning my self value in so many ways. Sometimes I wonder if I am being the kind of wife, woman and mother God wants me to be. I don't have all the answers but I can tell you who does. Our God has all the answers. I lived my life wearing a mask, doing things MY way and not Gods way. Well that grew me very tired and I finally surrendered it all to God. When I was willing to ONLY accept Gods plan for my life and live according to His word is when God began moving and orchestrating every detail in his time frame. Many of you don't know my old story  or my new story but I am now married to a man who loves the Lord as much as I do. God reunited us 9 years later after we first met (old friends) and while both of us were going through a similar pain we both began to heal when we looked to God first and put our faith in Him. Over time God spoke to each of us separately telling us we would marry each other. God was so detailed that I even knew when I would be married. Aaron did not know God had spoke this to me and I did not know God spoke to him the same message within a day apart. The rest is history.


I am not going to put on the perfection mask again and say our marriage is perfect, that my life is perfect and that I know it all. Yes I truly am blessed and my husband loves the Lord first in his life like I do. But we are still learning and growing in our marriage and still figuring the challenges out that life can throw at us. There is only one thing that I know for sure. My life being God focused first is the only way I want to live. Sure I sometimes don't feel like reading my bible and I forget.I'm human. But I am aware that everyday I need to keep putting God first and keep on trusting Him in everything. God sees us behind our masks. You cannot hide anything from Him. So if you have been reading my post here and find yourself answering the question of what mask do you wear and why then I would encourage you to take it off and just have that conversation with God about your struggles. You don't have to hide from Him because no matter what you have done or who you've become you have a Savior who loves you that much and all you have to do is confess to Him and ask Him into your heart. Ask Him into your life. Seek His way. Seek His word. Seek the plan He has for you. He loves you just as you are right now in this moment. He can never love you any less. But He has better for your life. He has abundant blessings and you receive more of His blessings when you live in obedience  to His word.





Romans 5:8 ESV / 23 helpful votes

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

















Romans 10:9 ESV / 12 helpful votes

Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.














John 14:6 ESV / 7 helpful votes

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.














1 John 1:9 ESV / 6 helpful votes

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.












Saturday, May 12, 2012

what you speak about becomes who you're all about!





If you really want to get to know someone listen closely to what they talk about.Especially over time. We all have things we need to work through. We all face some kind of struggle in our lives. But when a person begins to get consumed with a certain type of emotion or circumstance is when it becomes toxic.That toxicity can then spread and affect many other things in your life. Everything begins in our thoughts. What we think soon becomes what we speak.What we speak soon becomes what we act upon and so forth. So if you're consumed in something or some kind of negative emotion,if you're thinking negative thoughts then eventually this will become your life and who you are. This is why its so important to read,study and believe in Gods word.His word is TRUTH! If we study His word and its in our thoughts then those thoughts produce how we act. Any circumstance that arises we can overcome because of what the word of God says. We stand on His word. We believe it to be our truth that will lead us throughout our life. He fights the battle with us by His side. 

We all have seen people throughout our lives continue doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. But we all know it just doesn't work that way. " If you do what you always do, you'll get what you always got". You can't expect to plant the same seeds and reap a different harvest. You've got to plant different seeds to reap a different harvest. Is the soil you are planting your seeds in healthy soil? In order to plant different seeds you've got to think differently. If you are stuck in a place that you just can't seem to climb out of I would encourage you to go to God first. He should always be your "go to guy". Get in His word and meditate on it. God never leaves you.Its us that leave Him. His word is always available and through prayer we can talk to Him,confess our sins and ask Him to forgive us and change us. I can't tell you how many times I ask God to bring things to the surface in me that I may be unaware of and God always does it. He wants to " refine us like a piece of silver". When we ask God into our hearts He cleanses us. The "old" is gone and we are "made new in Christ". This is why Jesus died on the cross. How awesome is it that all we have to do is confess and ask God to be our Savior and come into our heart. He knows if we mean it. He knows our every thought, our every struggle, our every desire, our every heartache, our every flaw and He still loves us anyway. No human can ever give you this. That's why it is so important to put God first in your life because He makes us whole.He created it to be this way. If someone looked at you and said " I expect you to fulfill my every need and make me happy all the time" do you think you could do that? Of course not. Its because you were not designed to do that. Yes we can "help" fulfill our spouses needs to a certain degree. Marriage was created to glorify God and its a sacred gift but to expect another imperfect person to fulfill completely and make you whole is unrealistic. Once you understand who you are in Christ and you get into Gods words it will change your thoughts. Those thoughts will then become your actions which would be Christlike actions. Then you are able to bring others to Christ through the love and the Christ that is inside you.
Be careful what you speak about consistently. Lots of people conversate and share whats going on in their life but if you are constantly talking about you, your kids, your life, your job and never even mentioning anything about God then what kind of message are you sending? People talk about what they're passionate about. Listen carefully but keep in mind that its more about what they speak of consistently.Do a self evaluation. Next time you are talking to someone and you find yourself talking about you, turn the conversation into being about something other than you or concerning you. Creating new patterns can be difficult but consistency pays off. You can't get to know someone else if you are always talking about you. I had to work on this myself and I still struggle at times. We all like to talk about ourselves or our kids or our jobs or whatever we are passionate about but if you are a true follower of Christ then your passion for Him should be first.

Philippians 4:4-9

English Standard Version (ESV)
 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.



Matthew 15:11

English Standard Version (ESV)
11  it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”


Malachi 3

English Standard Version (ESV)


But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner's fire and like fullers' soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.[a] Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the Lord as in the days of old and as in former years.

Proverbs 12:5

English Standard Version (ESV)
The thoughts of the righteous are just;
    the counsels of the wicked are deceitful



Psalms 34:13


Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.










Tuesday, April 24, 2012

If you want to live you must forgive

Something all of us can relate to is pain. Unfortunately sometimes the pain we have felt has been caused by people. Sometimes those people become our enemies. What does God say about our enemies in the bible?


Matthew 6:14-15  For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15  but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


 Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.


Mark 11:25   And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.


Luke 6:27  But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,


Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife,
    but love covers all offenses.

I could add so many more scripture here because God continues to talk about one thing over and over in His word. That is LOVE. That means loving all people,even our enemies. How challenging is it for us to love those that have sinned against us? Its easy to love those that love us back. The challenge here is loving those that make it difficult. If we are commanded to love our enemies then we must learn that forgiveness comes with that. God forgives us over and over. How can we not forgive others when Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for all that we do wrong? Now that's powerful. He loved us so much that He sacrificed it all. Love is self sacrifice. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 16:14   Let all that you do be done in love.

Love is enough because God is Love. Try reading a scripture and replacing the word "love" with "God". It makes perfect sense. We are able to Love the way God commands us when we Love God FIRST in our lives. If we love God first everything else will fall into place. Our flesh is unable to forgive, to sacrifice, to love, to be selfless. But its when Christ is inside our spirit that we then are able to love selflessly and to forgive others. Did you know that when you forgive someone it actually is freeing for you? When you let go and forgive you are not saying you  agree with what the offender did. When you forgive you are really saying " I'm letting this go so I am able to move forward without the hurt,resentment or anger. It can no longer can live inside my heart.It is what it is and I forgive you." Once you completely "let it go" you set yourself free. The offender cannot steal your joy because you have chosen to not allow any negative emotion build itself up inside you. Grief is a part of the process when someone hurts you. Grief is part of the process through any loss. But realize that when the emotions of grief begin to CONSUME you is where it takes root inside your spirit. If you are holding onto something Give it to God. Confess with your mouth from your heart how you feel.Surrender the pain to Him. He is our healer. When you surrender to God what you are saying is " I trust you God". Trust which is also Faith in God gets God moving.
 God uses my story instead of my story using me. Many of you may know that I dealt with the biggest storm in my life a few years ago. I prayed for years for my marriage. But what I was missing was a lack of faith in God. I was trying to control everything. I knew a storm was coming and I surrendered everything to God. I remember that moment so clearly. It was a weight lifted from me that had been weighing me down for years. I waited on God to reveal truth and trusted Him in that. That very same day truth was revealed and my entire world changed. I had faced a fear that many people have which was infidelity. My biggest fear became my reality. I still had hope for my marriage.But after a month, some counseling and lots of prayer God once again revealed more truth to me. God is in the business to restore broken marriages and broken lives. He gives restoration. But both people need to be receptive to that. God knew deep down that I couldn't live in this marriage. God gave me the peace to make the hardest decision in my life. I have never doubted that decision. Through my storm my faith in God grew more than anything and I devoted my life to Him. Since then He has restored my life, my boys lives and blessed us with a Godly man and spiritual leader in our home. The reason I share part of my story is because I had to learn forgiveness. It was easier for me to forgive my ex rather than " the other woman". She is still in my boys life and I have had to accept it. IT IS WHAT IT IS. It has been a challenge trying to have forgiveness for this person. Awhile back I thought I had forgiven her but I kept feeling something inside my spirit that was saying different. Once I realized this I began to Give it to God. Everyday I  wake up and give it to God. Pray and ask God to bring anything in your spirit to the surface. Sometimes we don't always recognize that we have things that have taken root deep down. We need to ask God to pluck out the bad things that contaminate our spirits. One of the biggest contaminations to us is unforgiveness. When you hold onto unforgiveness you are unable to give more of yourself to those who you are invested in.  Take this moment to reflect within and ask God to bring anything to the surface that you may be holding onto. Ask God for forgiveness for yourself and the sins you have done. Forgive your offender. Give it to God. Invest your time in learning about  Gods love and what He commands us to do and  remember that if you want to live you must forgive!!!!!

Deutoronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.


Saturday, April 21, 2012

Woman ask themselves "Am I good enough?"

"Am I good enough?" Does this question sound familiar? Women of all ages have asked themselves this question. The enemy knows women struggle a lot with insecurity so he uses that against us. We need to recognize the Proverbs 31 woman and what she is all about. Beauty truly comes from within. Her heart is towards Christ. She is a beautiful daughter of God. Even having this knowledge some of us still struggle with that question "Am I good enough?" This question rises in us when we may have been in an abusive relationship at one time or you may be in one now or maybe you have dealt with infidelity. There are many reasons that lead us into questioning our self value. Can I tell you that no matter what your story is that the rest of it can be written differently. Your story will change when your thoughts change. You must believe that  your valued in Gods eyes.  Some of you think that all  fulfillment must come from a man  especially in marriage but that is unrealistic and  not the way God created it to be. Our  role is to be a Godly wife to our husband. We are commanded to respect him. We are his helper. We submit to him and  trust in his leadership.We encourage him and we pray for him. Our husband also has a Godly role to be the spiritual leader in the home. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. When husband and wife are living out their Godly roles to each other it glorifies God.  If you come to understand that even though our roles in a marriage can feel fulfilling at times our Creator is still to  be our EVERYTHING!.  Every human disappoints. We all sin. How can we expect any person to meet our every need? Those high expectations lead to disappointment. God is the ONLY one who can fill us up completely. Don't believe the lies from the enemy when he begins to attack you with questions of your self worth. Become the virtuous woman God created you to be.Continue to seek after Gods heart.He will lead you and give you more wisdom in your abilities as a woman, a wife and/or a mother. Whatever role you are given He will guide you when your eyes remain on Him and your heart seeks to follow Him.


Proverbs 31:10-31 (New Living Translation)

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Proverbs 31:10-31


A Wife of Noble Character

10 [a]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax
    and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
    a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
    her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
    her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
    and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
    for everyone has warm[b] clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads.
    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
    where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
    and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
    but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.